Wedding pirates: making peace when a friend steals your wedding ideas

Wedding pirates: making peace when a friend steals your wedding ideas


Wedding planning is hard, you guys. This we know. You're inundated with ideas, traditions, must-haves, how-tos, and a general sense of "whatthefuckdidigetinto." So you start to panic. You search Pinterest or Offbeat Bride or wherever to figure out how to plan this hugh jass party you've never planned before.

But wait, you know something. You've been to weddings. You've been to friends' weddings. And that's where kernals of ideas start to happen. Is it a slippery slope to "stealing" ideas from friends? Yep. And if you're the friend with the ideas, you may not like it. Not when you've carefully crafted your aesthetic and DIY projects and authentic-to-you ideas. Here's how to deal when a friend steals your wedding ideas...

Remember that everything has been done

You're carefully crafted dancing recessional with ribbons and lavender sachets for tossing? It's been done. Your circle ceremony with a handfasting and meditation? Done. Somewhere, by someone, your idea has been done. There have been too many weddings for too many years. If you look hard enough, you'll find it. We've heard the lament before, "my idea that I thought was original had already been done!" Trends happen for a reason.

Does that mean your idea sucks and you should scrap it to find something new? Hell naw. But it does mean that your pals, in their search for something original, may also stumble on the idea - maybe not even realizing you've used it already. Making peace with the concept of being as authentic as you want to be, knowing that there's very little that can be original these days, can be a definite relief.

Imitation actually is flattery

Seriously, if someone appropriates your idea in their wedding, that means they liked it. Consciously, unconsciously, they thought it was killer and you should take internal credit for it. You can always ask (or subtly suggest) different ways of executing the idea, but ultimately, it's usually not worth the battle to try to get your friend to change things.

Realize you're friends because of your similarities

Why would your friend like the same wedding details you do? Probably because you're besties and have been rubbing off on each other since forever. Friends often become kin and you'll start to be more similar the closer you are. They'll probably like the same readings you do, the same styles, the same departures from tradition.

Think of it as a wedding kinship instead of a competition. Hell, you'll probably really enjoy the wedding since it'll be in your taste.

Your guest list will be totally different

Your friend group may overlap, but most weddings have a ton of family who barely know each other let alone the people on your guest list. Is it likely that anyone will even remember the details let alone where they saw it or who wore it? This leads me right into...

Nobody will notice like you will

Sometimes it's hard to hear that not everyone will notice all your painstaking details. All the energy you put into the details will be mostly seen by you while fondly flipping through photos after the wedding. Your guests will see your hard work, but from a macro perspective. They'll see the general splendor. Which means they'll only see the general splendor at your friend's wedding, too. It'll likely be so different in general that they won't notice the similarities as much.

You love this person. Focus on making their day as awesome as yours was, assuming it was awesome. Did you marry your partner? Sounds pretty rad to me.

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